Mike Sechler's Blog

My 11-year-old son, Micah, died 5 years ago of complications from kidney failure. I wrote this just 5 months after he died, and only changed it a little to share it now. If some these comments seem stark or harsh at times remember they were written from the perspective of someone who recently lost his son, and that if you are talking to a grieving parent they may have similar raw emotions. The other grieving parents that I have met sure did. Here are some things that people said that helped and some that didn't. 1. Say you are sorry for their loss. This is almost certainly true, because almost everyone is really sorry to hear of a child dying, so you can say it sincerely and it is received sincerely. Also, you can stop here if you want. Unless you really want to go deeper and enter into the grief, you don't have to go any further. That is enough. 2. Ask about their child (or any loved one who has died). What was he or she like? I love talking about Micah. I don...

So yesterday was the 5 year remembrance day for Micah's death. We took the family out and had a good time, but in truth my heart still hurts whenever I think about Micah. I made me think about a quote from one of my favorite books, "Lord of the Rings." One evening Sam came into the study and found his master looking very strange. He was very pale and his eyes seemed to see things far away. 'What's the matter, Mr. Frodo?' said Sam. 'I am wounded,' he answered, 'wounded; it will never really heal'." Frodo is wounded a couple of times in the course of his adventures and every anniversary of the days that he was wounded comes around, he is sick. This is what grief is like. Every October 18 and Dec. 2 (Micah's Birthday), we are especially reminded that he is not here and we feel the wound. The world is broken and we feel personally. I miss my son. Death is hard. I am so glad that my hope is not in this world. I can grieve, but...

It has been a year and 4 months since Micah died and I have been struggling with how to "get on with life." For a long time after Micah died I continued on with ministry, but did not have much passion for it. At times in the moment I could talk shop with other pastors or minister to others because I was supposed to, but most of the time I did not have a drive and a real care for or about others in the same way I used to have. It is not that I had a crisis of faith and stopped believing the things I once believed. On the contrary, my personal trust in God and confidence in the truth of the good news about Jesus has become even more sure through this time of sickness and grief. But in the past I felt a direct calling to share this good news and to care about people just like Jesus had. Since Micah's death the world simply seems a little darker and sadder and therefore I have less passion for it. In fact, whenever someone jokes about doing and going to heaven, a big part o...